I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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