My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
