It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
