Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
