i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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