i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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