Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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