he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize