I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize