i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
