turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize