Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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