Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
