I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
