I faked an abortion last night.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize