You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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