last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I want is dick and wine.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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