How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
