An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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