And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
