you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
