it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
