The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
