Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
