Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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