Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Say something about gay babies.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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