i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
