I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
