It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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