At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize