I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
