Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Send help, water and tortillas.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
