apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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