Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
