I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
