I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
