oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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