Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
