Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
