she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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