Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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