Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
