I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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