Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
