You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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