Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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