ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
