I met the friendliest cop last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
