If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
