Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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