the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
