I wanna bring you to show and tell
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
