i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
