Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
