i think my tv is drunk
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
