Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
