There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
