my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize