Got a toothbrush?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
