you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize