I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
