Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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