I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
