take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
