i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
