Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
