I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i've created a new STD.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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