Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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