Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
