I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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