Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
