i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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