what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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