The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
