we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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