Duck Duck Cougar?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
