She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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